Bored with the World Cup? Yeah, me too so this week I decided to look for another blog idea and as I was looking I realised that it was right there in front of me, fanzine covers. The strange thing about fanzine covers is that I’d guess they were unlikely to sell a lot of zines. They didn’t need to stand out on the top shelf of a newsagent, you were unlikely to sell more because of a big star and someone who’s attention was drawn to an odd, scruffy fella shouting “Fanzine, get your Up The Arse here” was more than likely to want to just pay their £1 and get the transaction over with quickly. BUT, there would be sales from it for sure and anyway it was a great chance to illustrate a cheap gag, break copyright law or get one over on your neighbour so here are a random selection of covers with bits about the stories they “covered” in the ever present, breathtakingly creative way of fanzines.
Stars In Their Eyes
As mentioned above a big star like Louis Tomlinson would appear to be a big draw for any publication….except a football fanzine obviously. The late, great Donny fanzine Popular Stand somewhat rhetorically and metaphysically asked themselves the question “Are people just taking advantage of his fame in order to boost sales of anything Rovers related” on the cover of issue 72 in 2014. The answer was yes and no, sales remained flat.
In truth it was all a bit of publicity stunt by the club/band to support the club’s return to the Championship and the release of an upcoming documentary about the One Direction as their star waned but he did appear in a few charity games so congratulations to One and all Direction or something.1 With my cheap gag and terrible pun secured I’ll add that Louis does still do work for charitable causes with the club via his foundation and clothing brand2. Top work fella.
Neighbours, Everybody Loves Good Neighbours
So said Barry Crocker but I guess he’d never been to an Old Firm game. So, with charidy ticked off lets get back to something more important in fanzines, taking the piss out of your neighbours. With Charlie Nicholas appearing taps aff in possibly the greatest world cup advert ever this week it’s time to remind you that, as with most things, fanzines got there first. Well sort of anyway. Rangers legend Aye Ready celebrated the return of Charlie to beloved neighbours Celtic in September 1990. Some would say he hasn’t aged much.
No further mentions of champagne Charlie inside but as we’ve veered slightly back into World Cup territory let’s continue inside with some world cup RapPoetry celebrating Scotland’s “magnificent” Italia 90 campaign..This really is an amazing piece and must have taken some time to put together, 12 players and the manager covered, some stuff of dubious legal standing and bitter rancour sprinkled throughout. All of this set off by jaunty cartoons of a break dancer (well, one cartoon repeated 4 times). Full page raps like this appeared in a few issues, one day I’ll show you the Dons Rap which rhymes steep with sheep, gnashers with rashers and Santa with Opel Manta. Magnificent work.
Of lizards and men
1991 was a relatively quiet year, not much happened besides Operation Desert Storm, the fall of the Soviet Union and the launch of the internet. But then on April 29, 1991 it all kicked off as a purple tracksuit clad David Icke appeared on Wogan (hosted by Terry Wogan in case you were wondering) and declared himself the “Son of God”. Open laughter and derision from the studio audience followed in one of the most infamous moments in British television history and of course manna from heaven for fanzines (except Hereford ones perhaps – Ed). This was such a big deal that even Gull’s Eye down in Brighton took a break from their usual menu of quite rightly slagging off the board with cartoons to put our Lord and Savior Icke on the front cover and have a dig at Palace as well. Please note the DIK detail.
- https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/23536425 ↩︎
- https://www.doncasterroversfc.co.uk/news/2026/january/28/introducing-our-25-26-fourth-shirt-created-in-partnership-with-louis-tomlinson-s-28-clothing/ ↩︎
There is more inside, a probably imaginary encounter with Mr Icke proving he is mad by suggesting the Gulls will get promoted and Crystal Palace will win a place in the UEFA Cup. The Gulls would lose in the play off final to Notts County though he was proved to be right about Palace just 34 years later.
Next there is an idea for a chant about the grand lizard which probably didn’t take off and news that Gull’s Eye had already declared John Crumplin (207 appearance and 7 goals for the club as right back over a 7 year career) as the savior. I sometimes think that football supporting is the truest form of performance art, totally deranged but equally creative.
The Only Way is Essex
Next we move to Braintree and a real glimpse of Essex life way before reality TV. Issue 8 of town’s Our Flag Has Been To Wembley apparently edited by supermodel Lisa Butcher (Who at one stage was married to Marco Pierre White for 15 weeks) and costing 53p, a sum never heard of in fanzine pricing history. The cover handily tells us that inside there is coverage of a “Dutch tour with loads of pictures. penalties..& party” ..but if you look closely at the bottom picture on the cover there is something else beginning with P..a punch up.
Inside there are various match reports from the Dutch tour which was actually a tournament called the Jan Havenaar Under 23 Tournament at the home of VSV Tonegido (now sadly defunct, look at that clubhouse!!) and included Dutch and Belgian teams. The introduction to the tour sets the scene for future antics well.
The match reports and pictures then absolutely speak for themselves..
Also inside there is an unbelievable dedication and signed message from Lisa herself..I mean you couldn’t make this up could you..
Nor could you make up the signed photo of Ryan Giggs with two young ladies on a ferry somewhere in the North sea that also appears..
If any of the Braintree crew of OFHBTW are still out there, well done gents, I have 4 issues and each one is an absolute gem.
The world capital of shoemaking
Lets move up to Northampton where in March of 1990 What a Load Of Cobblers V2 I3 appeared with what is quite honestly the best suggestion I’ve ever seen for the design of an all seater stadium. I mean OK they’d have to widen the turnstiles but in these days of health and safety gone mad I can only see this as a plus. This is also a happy reminder of the County ground in all its glory, cricket side and all.
WALOC was always a superb fanzine, every issue brimming with tightly packed text, cartoons, great articles and lots and lots of silliness all for 50p. For the purposes of this blog though inside this issue there was a serious piece re all seater stadia. It is similar to many articles written about Hillsborough and the Taylor report but as with all things WALOC this is a tight, well argued and written piece of the highest order. Well done to Rob Marshall and team, give me a shout if you’re still out there. It ends with the eerily prescient line “the beginning of the end for a game administered and played purely for the pleasure of sponsors, TV and Ad-men”. Infantino, hydration breaks and VAR anyone?
Downwardly mobile
Down the Pyramid again, literally as we bring you the cover of issue 52 of Pyramid from early 1989. This is the fanzine with the most robust and superb subtitle of all time “The Magazine for Non-League Fans by Non-League Fans”. I’ve not edited the great photo courtesy of Derek Mead at all, this is how it appeared on the cover and it is an absolute cracker, Bedfont FC in all its glory. As always with the cover of Pyramid you get notice of the riches that lie in wait within..bumper crowds, conference attendance stats, fixtures and Maidstone’s new ground providing suitably racy promise.
As was often the case the ground in focus was covered by nothing more than the cover photo. Unfortunately Bedfont were dissolved in 2010 but Bedfont Football Club live on after a few phoenix club /mergers took place (see also, Rangers) but….within issue 52 we do have the league round up for the Dan Air League and what a round up it is. If you don’t know, The Dan-Air League was a sponsored name for the Combined Counties Football League. Contain yourselves, it’s brilliant.
The description of Cranleigh’s ground is magnificent, 9 miles from a train station, no covered accommodation, a field with a warning about horses, a description of a striker with a comparison only die hard Villa fans will understand, a programme editor/ Vice-Chairman/ reserve team player rolled into one..my god this is breathtaking stuff about real grass roots football. Best of all though there is pensioner/programme seller/feather wearer/sweet provider Charlie. Oh Charlie, football needs more people like you.
Final Whistle
Of course the cover was important, perhaps not for sales but for setting the scene for what was to come. These really are a random selection from the thousands of fanzines I have collected and I had to leave out another 8 from the pile I collected because well, 1600 words per week of this is enough for anyone.
A cartoon, a caricature, a point humorously made, a protest. All forms of life were there, all beautifully done, wonderful to immerse yourself in and still crazy after all these years. We’ll come back to this particular blog avenue another time.
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